YOU MUST PLAY....

In my ongoing coverage of Myspace bulletins, I bring you the following.
------------------------------------------------------------------
YOU MUST PLAY! OR A MAN WILL APPEAR BY YOUR BED
WITH A KNIFE AND WILL KILL YOU! THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOUR LIFE IS TO PICK THE JOLLY THAT REPRESENTS YOUR LOVE LIFE! OH BY THE WAY, DO NOT IGNORE THIS
BECAUSE IF YOU DO HE WILL COME AT THE TIME 2:16
AT NIGHT AND KILL YOU!

Teal Jolly Rancher:
Single, Looking For the right Someone, But Hating Being Single!

Orange Jolly Rancher:
Taken And About To Break Up

Red Jolly Rancher:
Single & chillin

Pink Jolly Rancher:
Taken And Lovin every minute of it

Black Jolly Rancher:
Taken and confused

Green Jolly Rancher:
Crushing On Someone but they dont know

Blue Jolly Rancher:
Like someone who doesn't like you back

Yellow Jolly Rancher:
Single and like someone, but confused as to whether they like you back or not

Purple Jolly Rancher:
Like someone who likes you back but not going out....

Clear Jolly Rancher:
Just broke up with sumone or they broke up with you, but still have feelings for them

Blue Rasberry Jolly Rancher:
Absolutely like 2 guys and am mad at yourself for not even getting one
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK. Is there enough stupid shit that can be said about this bulletin?

#1- Don't fucking threaten me to do your goddam, stupid ass, bulletin bullshit. Even if I did do them routinely, this would turn me off of doing them in the future. Just be pleasant. Ask nicely. Don't be a jerk and tell me that something bad will happen if I don't do your bulletin.

#2- Not only threatening, but evil. What is wrong with you! How many unresolved issues do you have that you say that a man will attack me with a knife at a certain time at night if I don't fill out or respond to a bulletin. And is this a supernatural man who will kill me, or a real one. If he's real, why is he just going to appear by my bed. If he's supernatural, why is he going to kill me with a knife and not some sort of tongue tentacle that will suck my brain out through my nostrils. Just shut up, because your bulletin makes about as much sense.

#3- And what a trite reason for someone to kill me... picking a jolly to represent my love life. I could maybe forgive the pretense if it was for something important like... Hurricane Katrina or Violence Against Women. But how ironic would that second one be?

#4- A fricking Jolly Rancher Love Life bulletin? What is going on? It doesn't even make any sense, and it's not a test, or even picking your favorite Jolly Rancher and then seeing what that says about you. No, you pick the Jolly Rancher that fits what your love life means to you. How stupid! Where the Hell am I even going to use this information? I am going to get it embossed on business cards to tell everyone that I'm a Pink Jolly Rancher? Who gives two shits?

#5- Why are some, if not most, of the Jolly Ranchers labeled by color and not flavor? What does a Teal Jolly Rancher taste like? And isn't a Clear Jolly Rancher, just a fucking shard of broken glass? Get a life and get a better bulletin.