Crikey! 1962-2006

When I first heard about the death about Steve Irwin, I thought it was a big bunch of hooey. There are so many fricking urban legend wannabes being created every day all over the Internet that not many people online can be considered reliable sources; which is ironic, if you are first hearing about this from me as I am far from reliable. Usually I just make up a load of funny crap and dump it onto this blog. But not today! No sir! Nuh-uh!

If you didn't already know, it is true about the death of Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter. The psycho who I first saw on television almost ten years ago talking about the highly venomous snake he was holding in his hands. This snake coiled up his wrist, and violently struck at his face. Not missing a beat, Irwin continued his diatribe about that certain species remarking on how it was so "byooootiful!", while blood copiously poured down his cheek. I remember thinking that this guy wasn't all there. Perhaps he had had one too many tins of Foster's lobbed at his head.

However, he managed to create a thriving, television presence bringing enjoyment in the form of strange disbelief of his actions to many. Such was his persona, that I even paid homage to him in a presentation I gave during veterinary school. It was to a group of 4-H students, and my partner Janice and I were explaining the possibility of zoo animal medicine as an occupational field. Within the "dramatic portion" (aka. the funny stuff to get kids to pay attention) I, being Irwin, stated that I was going to go and annoy that extremely dangerous and venomous black mamba by poking it with a stick, in order to learn more about its "byooootiful!" nature. While this is a great over-simplification of what Steve actually did, the act ended with "Irwin" succumbing to paralysis, and interjecting important points while Janice finished the "educational portion" (aka. the boring part, wherein children tend to pick their noses, some even going so far as to eat it). Humor arose from the fact that Janice appreciated the additional information, but was extremely lackadaisical about getting "Irwin" a dose of anti-venom.

This was not a premonition or foreshadowing. I'm not Nostradamus. You just kind of figured that one day he probably would be brought down during one of his crazy actions. Or by someone else in retaliation of his kooky behavior, especially after he fed a giant alligator a whole chicken, while holding his newborn baby (looking all too similar to that raw chicken) in his other arm.

But no! He did not get a come-uppance from a dangerous, but "byooootiful!" beasty that was just tired of being poked with a stick. It would have been far more poetic, and also probably the way he would have wanted to go, to get chomped to death by a gator. But despite the outward appearance of all his antics, he was actually very safe. No! Steve Irwin did not get felled by any of those possibilities. He was stabbed through the heart by a poisonous stingray. A stingray! What the...!

For those of you not familiar, those are those large, flat fish that people pay to have draped over their heads while they are on there honeymoon in Hawaii. This incident is sure to put a cramp in that business, to say the least. But yes, a stingray. While he was in the water. No doubt he was still wearing his recognizable khaki shorts and shirt.

But Steve Irwin, we hardly knew ye. Actually, that's not true. We knew that you were a crazy, fun bastard and you will be missed. Also, contrary to what the South Park boys say, he never did stick his finger up ANY animal's butthole.