SCHOOL IS CANCELED FOR MONDAY! ReDuX

I'm starting a new feature: When there's a bulletin that I make a smart-ass bulletin reply to, I'll post it on my blog. That way everybody can enjoy me being a sarcastic bastard! Plus, I personally feel that I lost some funny stuff to the dredges of bulletins. And so it begins....
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you opened this cus it said...
SCHOOL IS CANCELED FOR MONDAY!
but would you have opened it if it said
"I love God no matter what?"
respost this in 5 mins. If You Truly Love GOD.
A miracle Will Happen Tonight.

P.S. Dont ignore
god always watches you

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That's the bulletin that you just opened. Now, I enjoy the sentiment of this, but I feel the need to point out a few things, and basically be sarcastic.

..1- Why do all bulletins have poor grammar? Incorrect abbreviations, inappropriate capitalization (or lack thereof), and poor sentence structure usually abound.

..2- Monday is probably a poor choice for this bulletin, given that it's Labor Day. All schools are closed. I understand that this creates the false representation of a three-day weekend, and is therefore more desirable an outcome, but maybe it should say Friday. Then you'd only run into problems right before Easter.

..3- Why does every bulletin that is posing as a chain letter have to promise a miracle? Either that or a threat? I suppose that God in this bulletin is more the New Testament God, rather than the Old Testament fire-and-brimstone, smoting, plague causing God.

..4- Are there people who are just going to repost this because God is going to give them a miracle? I think that the point is entirely lost if that is the case. I mean, He's God, not a genie. Don't do things for him, because he's going to give you something. It's not like you're raking God's lawn and he's going to invite you inside for some ribbon candy, before he gives you the five dollars?!?

..5- God is always watching me? He knows when I've been sleeping, and knows when I'm awake? Like Santa? God even watches me on Myspace? He's here? Does Tom know about that? And if God is watching on Myspace, He should do something about all the annoying porn star spammers and creepy pedophiles. And also, hit me up some time God! Be my friend! Holla back!

..7- You think I'm going to Hell I'm sure, but let me tell you that God has a rad sense of humor. He is cracking up right now at the Pearly Gates. Or at least I can only hope, because if God doesn't have a sense of humor, and knows that I'm only joshing, then Heaven is probably going to be a boring place. Mostly filled with mueslix, reruns of Matlock and Murder, She Wrote, and chats about how when God was little an ice cream cone cost a nickel.