The Michigan State Mild to Moderate

Like Lewis Black and candy corn, I seem to have the ability to forget everything I know about State Fairs, each and every year. When you add a few more years to that, then it all goes to pot.

I hadn't been to the Michigan State Fair in probably four years. In fact, I haven't PAID to get into it for more like seven years. The last few times I was there, I was actually volunteering at The Miracle of Life exhibit, which by the way is the best place to enjoy your lunch while at the fair. I can't think of a more enjoyable place to scarf down a pulled pork sandwich than on a set of bleachers surrounding a cow whose water just broke, or next to a sow having piglets. "Look, I'm eating your baby!" I never did understand why people would hang out for hours upon hours, and actually ingest food while in that tent. I never did! I went into the trailer, washed my hands, and stayed in there.

Anyway, I recently went to the Michigan State Fair after a long hiatus. I got there around one o'clock in the afternoon. Grabbing myself a map, I trekked about the fairgrounds checking out all that I could see. At about 2:15PM, I realized that I was done. I had forgotten how un-exciting the State Fair can be. You really have to have a schedule and plan to see individual events or else you're screwed. If you don't make an itinerary, you can be left wandering around the Rabbit and Bird House. "LOOK! A chicken... and a chicken... and a chicken... and a chicken... and uhhhh, a chicken. Now a rabbit, and there's a rabbit... look another rabbit. Wait! A pigeon! And.... a pigeon... there's another one." After that rousing tour, I managed to fall asleep in the Coliseum during a horse show.

After my nap, I ended up wandering around the fairgrounds more than three times. Mostly I was waiting to meet two friends who were going to arrive later in the afternoon. I really should have waited and gone with them. I wanted to save the "fun" stuff for when they arrived. I ended up eating a Polish sausage with green peppers and onions, and a cup of malt vinegar soaked French fries before I met up with them. I don't have a digital camera, plus I'm not really big on fair food, otherwise I would have taken a picture of my large list of food, before I ate it, and posted it here. Instead, I will leave that to a FOAF (friend of a friend) who has his own blog, wherein this technique is utilized frequently. You can find his blog at www.rhymeswithgin.blogspot.com.

Overall, I did have a relatively, and surprisingly good time, despite the fact that state fairs can be boring. When my friends showed up, we visited the petting zoo, saw a few pig races, walked through The Miracle of Life, and swigged a few cups of chocolate milk (myself included, though I don't like chocolate, this milk was good. Plus it was only 25 cents for all you could drink!). They took a picture in front of a 400 lb pumpkin that there neighbor had grown, we got freaked out by a small puppet in a car, and angered a salesman by not buying anything. The highlight of the evening was taking part in a donut speed-eating competition. I nearly choked. I need more saliva.