Don't people write in diaries anymore? -OR- "First" post

I know exactly what you're saying, "Not another goddam blog! I mean, how many are there out there? A billion? My fucking grandmother has one! They are in no way cool at all. This pisses me off so much, that I am going to have to go write about it in my blog. [Type-type]... post!" And you are right! Although, I don't know why you ended up talking like David Spade eating an onomatopoeia?

Anyway, it may actually seem like this is a "new" blog; but let me tell you mister, that is far from the truth. I started out writing for fun on Myspace about 3 years ago. "MySpace! Hell! He's just all into, like... totally lame things! Where's my coffin purse, I'm late for my job at Hot Topic." Just writing in my own little world. What happened then? People I didn't even know actually read my stupid shit? Not only that, but they asked for more! That freaked me out a little. So I continued to write about whatever I liked, whenever I liked. I was not going to sell-out to the masses and give them what they wanted.

Fast forward to Facebook... "Ugh! Not that one too! Although PetPupz is kinda fun. My dog is an Irish Wolfhound and his name is Morrissey. Shut up! That is to so Emo!" I initially thought it was just MySpace with games; but the fact that you can actually find people by their real names was incredibly satisfying. No longer did I have to question who "Sister Fishy-Face" was. I realized it was actually my cousin. Thanks Facebook!

But alas, they had no blog section. (NOTE: if they have a blog section and I am just stupid, please leave your comments on someone else's page.) They only had a link to my MySpace blog. No problem, I thought. I still used both sites equally. How wrong I was. It has come about that I barely check MySpace. Maybe only once per week. Or when I need to contact someone whose email I don't have and they are also not on Facebook. I just never had enough time to play My Heroes Ability and write about sting rays or TomKat or herpes medication (did I do that last one?) So my blog suffered.

Now I am filled with a renewed vigor to write and blog, blog and write, and maybe even wrog and blite... or other assorted portmanteaus. I got this blogspot page, connected it to my Facebook page, and voila! I'm back in the saddle again.

Just as a heads up, I'll be re-posting my old MySpace blogs here... with original posting dates no less! So this blog will appear much older than it is. Therefore, just to clarify I will note what is an old MySpace post. To further clarify... THIS IS MY FIRST POST ON BLOGGER. From here on out, this is where I'll be doing my posting. If you're priveleged enough, and really want to see them on MySpace, I may occasionally transfer them back over there.

Now for a foots up. Here's a list of items you may need to read my blogs:

1) Sense of humor: Very important! If you don't have one, just go away now.
2) Potentially thick skin: I make fun of everybody (mostly myself) in an irreverent, sarcastic, yet not overtly mean way. Like George Carlin's puppy, Bill Maher's teddy bear, or Mark Twain's... steamboat?
3) Thesaurus: Sorry to everybody who watches The Hills, but I use big words sometimes.
4) Desk Reference Book: Obscure references abound. Dennis Miller would get it, but your brain might explode. Scanners style. I'm just that awesome!
5) Realization: Know that I am basically writing these things for my own amusement. If other people find them funny, that's cool too
6) A mallomar and glass of milk: I mean who couldn't like a blog when they are eating this delicious chocolate-coated marshmallow treat, and washing it down with bovine udder secretions. I ruined the imagery, didn't I?

Overall, enjoy! If you're lucky, maybe I'll write a book someday. Until then, just rip your monitor down and press it between two thick pieces of board to pretend. Or maybe just buy a Kindle...