Paper or Plastic?

The other day I was making big plans for some "me" time. Basically, it was like any other day.... drinking a beer, sitting and watching television, yeah, real quality "me" time. I thought I was not being enough of a loser, so I decided to go out and grab some sort of junk food. Then I also had the brilliant idea to get a slurpee too.

But this would not be any normal Slurpee, but rather a liquor-laden Slurpee. I had never tried it, and thought I would add some hooch to my frozen beverage. Hopping over to 7-11 to grab some chips, dip, candy, snack cakes, and other assorted mounds of sugar, salt, and preservatives for my wonderfully planned binge session (purging to come later, it's penciled in for 1 AM), I realized... junk food is fricking expensive! And even much more so at a convenience store. But I guess it is pretty convenient to be able to fit my wallet in my pocket because it has a significantly lesser amount of money in it.

Anyway, I told 7-11 to screw off with there $4.99 bag of chips, and told them I would not be back.... except in about fifteen minutes to buy a slurpee. I then headed off to a local grocery superstore that is open 24 hours... for legal reasons let's call it, ummm Neijer's. There I was at Neijer's (yeah perfectly disguised!) and I bought my junk.

Heading over to the cashier stations, the U-Scan was packed, but the "12 Items or Fewer" line was super short. And who's the grammatical bastard who forced the hand of every grocery store to change to "12 items or Fewer" from "12 Items or Less". We get it! Less denotes quality while fewer denotes quantity. Does anybody really care when they just want to purchase their toilet paper, high-fiber cereal and Immodium A-D really, REALLY fast? So go eat shit Modern Language Association (look it up, then laugh. Or not.)

Carryng my items in one of those handbaskets, I place the whole thing on the conveyor belt. Immediately afterwards, the guy behind me feels the need to pick up that stupid plastic divider and place it between my items and his. Is anybody seriously that paranoid that their items will either get lost in the confusion of sale that is my purchase, or that they will get stuck buying something they didn't want? "Hey, this isn't my vaseline. Dammit!" Not to mention the fact my items were in a basket! Not to mention the fact, it's a "12 Items of Fucking Fewer" lane!! So with contempt in my heart for the man behind me, I turn to face Yokozuna who is my cashier.

Little did I know that with the hair braids, ample facial hair, and fancy set of grills (yeah, I'm down with the urban slang, beotch), this behemoth was actually a women. I apologize if she reads this blog and recognizes herself as being described here. Not because I'm ashamed I was mistaken, just for her because it was such an easy mistake to make.

And this brain trust also decides to bag up each item separately into a different bag. Unbeknowst to me, I go buy my Slurpee, get all the way home, and THEN find out that I didn't take all of my 8 bags filled with one item each. So back to Neijer's I go. I grab the rest of my items and get back to my food fest.

And just in case anybody was wondering... adding liquor to a Slurpee doesn't really work. It wasn't too bad, but it wasn't really an alcoholic Slurpee. More like watering down a drink with flavored ice. You must have to just add the liquor before everything is made. Or maybe you just need the white trash version, the Slushee. Perhaps it "takes" to liquor much better. The Slushee, found at L-Mart's everywhere.