Tuesday, August 9, 2005

House Hunting? We're gonna need a bigger boat...

What is the most excrutiating thing that you can imagine? The most boring and time-consuming and demoralizing and heart-breaking and soul-sucking and painful process in the world? If you said working for Haliburton, then you would be wrong. And if you don't know what that is, then please... go watch an episode of The Daily Show or something, for crying out loud. But seriously, the answer would be first-time home buying.

Let me now express my pain in the form of an onomatopoeia: Auuuuuglargggggggbllecccccch. For those of you who are not English majors... an onomatopoeia is a word that imitates the sound it represents, like: crash, bang, boom, or a tiny ringing sound. Tinkle? No thank you, I went earlier.

Anyway, that is what it is like to search for a house. You can not believe how many places there are out there that you just can't even dream of yourself living in. Places like "The House That Time Forgot: AKA Trapped in the 70's" or "OK, If I wanted to Live in a Cottage in the Metro Area" or "Are You Kidding For That Much?" or "My Bedroom Would Basically be My Bed" or "This House Smells Like My Grandma... And Not In a Good, Cookie Baking Sort of Way" or "Lovely House... But It's Next to a Restuarant Dumpster, and It's STILL How Much?" or " This House Smells like a Thousand Male Cats Pissed in the Vents!!!" I could go on and on, but I've already started to lose many of you (look at me, assuming there are "many of you" to lose in the first place...) Overall, house hunting should involve a gun, and you should be able to shoot and kill many houses in order to put them out of there misery.

No comments: