Disturbed by Madison Avenue

There is seriously something wrong with our American advertising their proposals. Either that, or there has been substantial contamination of the drinking water in those particular buildings. Whatever the reason, commercials are messed up! There are just so many out there that make you feel dirty, creep you out, or slightly induce vomiting, especially when the underlying concepts are pondered.

Burger King: What is your problem? Why do you have to create that freakish, frozen-faced King? That is guaranteed nightmare fuel if I ever saw it! It's almost worse than the Puttermans, those Duracell battery people from the mid-90's. industry. I believe that there are perhaps a few companies out there that don't proofread Oh yes, I still remember them... But how creepy! The King is just lying there in bed with you when you wake up? He's been staring at you! Watching you sleep! "Yawn, what a wonderful night sleep... AAAAAHHH, what the hell are you doing in my bed! Please tell me you didn't have your way with me. Oh God, oh God!" The King then gives away a breakfast sandwich... and the person always eats it! What?!? Like I would ever eat anything a masked, potential serial killer, stalker offered me minutes after waking up. He just isn't right. Non-moving, non-responsive; he's got empty vacuous eyes... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at you, he doesn't seem to be livin'. Brrrr! This is right up there with that Folgers commercial wherein human rays of sunshine invade your home in the morning to wake you up. Doesn't anybody just use an alarm clock anymore?

M&M Amazing Bar: The commercial of which I speak, is horrific. Setting the scene; it's look-out point. We pan over to a car that's all steamed up. Hello by Lionel Richie is playing. Or maybe it's Marvin Gaye or Al Green, doesn't matter. What does matter is that in the back seat of the car, are a Hershey's chocolate bar and a pile of M&M's. Nothing wrong with that? Wrong! It gives you the impression that they get it on in order to create an Amazing Bar. I don't know about you, but I really don't want to think about my candy having sexual intercourse. I understand that sex sells, but this is ridiculous! I think the most important thing to note when considering using sex to sell a commercial product, is not to have two inappropriately sized, inanimate objects melting and melding together in a night of fiery passion. And you know they didn't use protection.

Aand finally, Charmin: Does a bear shit in the woods? Why yes he does, and he actually uses Charmin toilet paper to wipe his ass. Now, besides the fact that this commercial is documenting the bowel movement of a cutesy, cartoon cub and his mommy or daddy bear, it is even worse due to one particualr scene. The baby bear takes a big old wad of paper, but is told he doesn't need as much because of the absorbency and softness of Charmin. In order to get the point across... we see his facial expression when he is wiping his ass. Granted he does look comfortable, but ewwww... that is NOT something that I needed to see. To top it off, sometimes he has little squares of toilet paper stuck there afterwards. Great! Animated ursine dingleberries! Besides myself having to view this blecch, the only people I feel more sorry for would have to be the poor, Korean animators that were forced to draw this ick-inducing commercial frame by frame. Next you know, we'll be having animated ponies using tampons, or skunks getting that "not so fresh" feeling. Please, keep your fuzzy, wuzzy animals away from the hygiene products. Overall Madison Avenue, lay off the lysergic acid and just stop grossing us out.