The attacks continue! Stingrays could not just leave well enough alone. They could not just take out such a beloved public figure and then slowly slink away back into obscurity and bide their time. NO! Their plan is in full effect as is witnessed by the newest threat to our human way of life.
A stingray has now deliberately and maliciously attacked an 81 year old man on his fishing boat off the shore of Florida. The motus operandi, the same. This elderly gentleman was savagely attacked in the chesticular region by the foot long poisonous barb from a stingray's tail. The barb was left in place and the man was rushed to the hospital. He remains in critical condition, but no doubt stingrays all over the world are wringing their fins with pleasure. Sweet, delicious, evil, melodramatic pleasure.
We can only hope that the governor of Florida, Jeb Bush, will once again totally disregard minding his own business and create a law, or perhaps a statewide ordinance of some kind, that will ban the continued living of these terrorist stingrays.
After all, they have now started attacking the elderly, geriatric, senior citizens. No one in Florida is now safe. The next step is the children! Our babies! They will sting them right in their little baby thoraxes... thoraci... thoracices... right in their little baby hearts as they lie sleeping in their cribs!
Good God! Why will nobody listen to the voice of reason and just start indiscriminately killing stingrays. It is obvious that they are the REAL terrorists. Even Toby Keith thinks so! He's written a new song about it. I have included an excerpt from it in this particular blog:
Now these humans I love, we are really the best
But those stingrays keep a-thrustin' poisonous barbs in our chest
Soon as we get the results from our EKG
Man, you better swim really fast, away from me
Oh, Justice will be served, when we weigh with her scales
Us humans will fight and we will cut off your tails
You'll be sorry you messed with Homo sape'yuns
'Cuz we'll make you extinct
There's lots of proof it's been done
Toby Keith is certainly an American hero. If you want to hear the rest of the song just visit your local Wal-Mart to buy yourself a copy. A portion of the proceeds will go to "Stop the Stinging", which supports victims of stingray attacks. While you're there, grab your very own Tail-Tapper®, to aid in your killings. You could also pick up some sunscreen... because it does a really good job at blocking rays.
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