There are a lot of things that bother everybody. Most of them are little and can be glazed over fairly easily. However these same teeny, tiny annoyances can surely still cause a great deal of aggravation and frustration. Don't sweat the small stuff? Well, I think after this, I'm gonna need a case of Degree antiperspirant.
First off, mesh trucker hats. I've said it before and I'll say it again. The only thing worse is tipping them to the side, or having them hover on the top of your head, or both.
Those half-shirts that girls wear, what are those things? They're like arms and a small amount of torso. For the woman who just wants to cover the top of her shoulders.
Big, huge fuzzy boots... what? You look like the bastard child of Chewbacca. Take them off!
Pants that have words across the ass. Especially "Juicy". Especially on a 12 year old.
Pants that are strategically bleached on the ass. You're fat... your ass is huge, nobody thinks that it's shaped like an apple. More like a Bartlett pear.
Mixing up "your" and "you're". You'll see that I didn't in the previous sentence. And while we're at it... "its" and "it's". Also, people who are overly nitpicky about appropriate grammar and usage. So don't go searching through my blogs for grammatical errors. I may be guilty... but only because of my poor typing, not because I don't know the difference.
Breast-feeding in public, and NOT maintaining some form of modesty... like a towel or something. Especially if you think it's your right not too. Especially if you get mad if I accidentally see anything when I glance in your direction.
Thinking that you can touch a pregnant women's belly without asking first. Especially if you have absolutely no relation to that person.
Physically moving someone to get a better look at their: tattoo, t-shirt saying, horrific scar, whatever....
Anybody who when you ask them if they read, and they say yes.... magazines.
Tip cups at the Subway counter. It is your job to make my sandwich. I came to visit you for that purpose. I don't see any reason that you deserve extra money. Besides the fact, your tip cup is just a styrofoam cup with "TIP-py toe" or something just as inane written on it with Sharpie. It's sad. Furthermore, you're not a "sandwich artist".
People who misspell swear words or even better ignorant, racist comments. "Your just a dooshbag, you faggit asswhole!"
E-Harmony commercials, starring the same nine couples that happened to get married, over and over again, for the past two years. They match you on nine thousand, eight hundred and seventy-two different personality points. Whatever! Screw off!
Adding "-izzle" into some of your words to seem hip. Guess what... even Snoop Dogg sounds like an idiot.
Changing words to numbers, "Z's" to "S's", dropping vowels in things like "Grrl", or spelling it "kewl" to make whatever it is seem hardcore, edgy, or hip. You're TWO burning seals! How about that for edgy?
Covering your mouth when you are chewing, so that apparently nobody will see you chewing. Well, we still know you're chewing... except your hands are in the way. Girls who like to pretend they don't eat, do this a lot.
Girls who don't eat anything, or only eat like a "small green salad" when they are out. Especially women whose ribs could be played like a cartoon xylophone. Especially ones who complain that they are fat. You know? I hate to tell you, but you'll probably never, ever fit into the Osh Kosh B'gosh clothes you wore to kindergarten.
Changing the women's clothing sizes, so that the numbers are two sizes smaller. "Look I'm a Size 14 now! Not a Size 16." Hey, good job. You know you did nothing? And now there's some poor skinny girl out there that has to find "double zero" clothes. And while we're at it, double zero as a women's clothes size.
IM speak. omfg, i mean wtf. kwim. lol! rotflmao! Oh, and while we're on the subject... emoticons. The squinty smileyface, the tongue sticking out. I got one for all those people: fu. ( )*( )
Anybody who calls you and doesn't answer to your hello for about 10 seconds. I know you're a telemarketer! Don't you have the common decency to even PRETEND like you have common decency? Feign a little interest in your phone conversation with me, and perhaps I will do the same. Oh really? I could change my long-distance telephone plan you say? Hmmmmm, how compelling!
Having to write a subject line for every... single... email. And even worse: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello! Email forwards. Especially when someone forwarded a forward of a forward of a forward. I don't want to take 15 minutes to find out "I'll be single for (blank) years", if I don't forward this email.
Saying "holla".
Women who think that having, owning, or wearing anything with the Playboy bunny head on it is cute, when it is instead trashy.
People who jog in place at the crosswalk, waiting for it to change. You're not making it to the Olympics, Carl Lewis... take a break for thirty seconds. "But my heart rate needs to be maintained. It will ruin my whole routine." Then how about you go to the fucking gym and get of the street where big, metal boxes make pedestrian stop at inappropriate times.
Bathroom doors at theme restaurants that aren't obviously male or female and have other indications as to the correct door. "Am I a sea-bass or a yellow-fin tuna???"
Air-quotes.
Censorship of words in songs on the radio when everybody knows exactly what the word is either due to backwards masking, or fricking rhyming!?! "So let's get, to the point. And roll another tawnge." Hmmm, do you think Tom Petty is singing about smoking weed?
Having to pay cover at a bar or club when you get there incredibly early, and are in fact the first people there. You know... your place isn't THAT great.
When someone actually gets mad at you when your cell phone has bad reception. Yes, I hate you, and called Verizon and told them that I didn't really want to talk to you all that much.
Sending an email response with only a few words in it. If it's only one word, I'll have to punch you in the face.
Finding a dryer sheet in the clothes that you are currently wearing. How did I not feel that? All day!
People who say ATM machine. They have effectively said Automated Teller Machine Machine. That's just like being a VIP person?!?
The fact that I can't help but sometimes make stores possesive. Like Meijer's, Farmer Jack's, JC Penney's. I apologize for the possible regionality of these examples, but these are the stores whose names I frequently change in this way. i have gone so far as to write checks payable to the possessive.
Attributing human behaviors to animals, or over-anthropomorphizing. Your cat is not peeing on your bed because you didn't give it tuna today. It probably has a urinary tract infection.
"Git-R-Done"
Women who blame their poor attitude on PMS. Nope, you're a jerk the rest of the month too.
People who don't control their pets and then act like their pet's bad behavior has never happened before. "Fritzie! NO! I don't understand? Normally he's so good when he's left unattended around toddlers who are eating cookies alone?" Also, when people think I'm mean because I make my dog mind me.
People who ask me if they can talk to me about Jesus. I'm not a heathen, but I'd rather you not. Even the Pope probably says, "Ehhhhh, no thanks. I leave work at work."
And finally blogs that rant about things. That just pisses me off.
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