You saw that Seinfeld episode, right?

When a large group of friends and aquaintances, say at least more than a dozen people, go out to eat together, you always have to go someplace basic. So, you can never really go to Chinese or Sushi or Mediteranean or something like that. You end up going to an American Fare restaurant with a whole bunch of crazy crap on the wall. Most of the stuff doesn't even go together, or have one particular theme. I mean at least Hard Rock Cafe has music memorabilia to accompany their boring and overpriced food and drinks. But no, you end up going to T.G.Rube Chilibee's or some sort of Chotchky's wannabe, where the waiters wear flare.

And that's what happened one night. Large group of people equals "Hmmm, should I get the HAMburger or the hamBURger or maybe the hamburGER. I'm not sure?" The only redeeming value many of these places have are their larger than life drinks. "Yes please, I would enjoy my margarita in a soup toureen, thank you."

These get togethers are also a great time for friends to introduce you to other friends that they think you would be able to maybe be more than friends with. To simplify, your friends try and set you up.

So, I'm eating my HAMburger and my 2 liter alcoholic slurpee and chatting with friends, when my friend Donna chimes in about her roommate, who by the way is sitting right next to her. "Jason, this is my roommate Amy. She's an English Major. You like reading don't you?" This was actually her attempt to link us in some way. "Very subtle. I am literate, yes."

Apparently Amy had come straight from work or school or someplace that required her to be slightly dressed up. She was wearing a red turtleneck sweater and black pants. We began talking. Fast forward to an actual first date. I go to pick Amy up, and she's wearing... the red turtleneck sweater and black pants. We go out to dinner (yet another Chiluby AppleTues), got to the movies, and then she innocently wants to maybe go to a bookstore or coffeeshop. So we go to a bookstore with a coffeeshop. At this time, the date has been approximately 4 hours so far.

We spend a couple hours at the bookstore and then I take her home. When we arrive, her roommate and my friend, is there with her boyfriend. They invite us to play Trivial Pursuit. For whatever reason I agree and stay. This is turning into the longest date ever!

I end up leaving at maybe 1 in the morning. A marathon date of 8 epic hours! Way too long! But, she was nice, so I decide to ask her out again. She is very hard to get ahold of and then she ends up able to go out for lunch.

We meet at a Chinese restaurant (finally something different) and she's wearing... the same fucking red turtleneck sweater and black pants. Now what the Hell is going on! Does she only own one set of nice clothes? Does she sleep in them? Is she a superhero? I thought that this would never have been possible to actually happen, but there she was.

I invited her to maybe go ice skating or some sort of "so different, it's cliche" physical activity as a possible next date. This was not only to do something different than eat, but also to have a date that was structured and didn't last all day, and also to get her out of those clothes.

Now, not to "get her out of the clothes, wink, wink." But to just get her out of those same damn clothes. She ends up not wanting to continue to go out, and I'm left with the mystery that was her wardrobe. I think that maybe I shouldn't have continued to try and go out with her, but I was just so curious. There I was, the one with completely different ensembles each time she saw me, and I was the undateable one. It confused me so much I went to A.P.B. Tuby Chillday's and had a glass of fruity, frozen Windex the size of my head.