You mispronounced that beverage bastard.

In what little I have of free time, I have taken to trying to get some sort of social interaction. Since when I go to bars alone I tend to feel like an alcoholic or a troll, or maybe an alcoholic troll, I decided to try coffeeshopping it up. Why not, everyone goes to them.

You can quietly get a drink, and sit and read if you want to. Last time I took a book into Tipsy McStaggers I was punched in the face for being weird and trying to impress other people with my "lurnin'". So books... not so much at the bar. On the other hand, welcomed with open arms at coffeeshops. But you do have to then be careful about what book you're reading. Intellectuals, or supposed intellectuals, tend to hang out at coffeeshops... (except for Starbuck's, where rich motherfuckers hangout... $7.80 for a coffee what the!).

Anyway, just as any book in the bar, the choice of subject should be carefully considered when reading in public. Sipping a mocha latte and reading "Hop on Pop" just doesn't seem to fit. So if you aren't reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand (you pretentious bastard) then get out of my coffeeshop!

Anyway, as I started doing this little ritual of reading... at a coffeshop... and spending 3 dollars a day on a beverage of some kind... I came across a problem. I hate fucking coffee! Just go back to the chocolate blog and replace chocolate with coffee.

I'm not really into drinking bitter, disgusting fluid that was created by pouring boiling hot water over ground up beans. I mean who thought of that?!? Nope, I drink tea. Now you may be saying that that sounds just like someone who reads in public, and waving your fist at me. But I assure you, I don't wear a beret.

Tea you can at least say may have been discovered by accident. Leaves fell into hot water and ta-da... T-E-A. No other steps necessary. No saying, hmmm, this water tastes like shit when we just boil these beans.... maybe if we ground them up and then boiled them? Nope, still tastes like shit. And that my friends is why I drink tea.

But not just any tea. To be even more of a prick, I have been drinking Chai tea. So what! I like it, and it's not normal tea so it makes me feel smarter and also... umm specialer than those regular Earl Gray suckers. However, I have come to the conclusion that I have been saying it wrong. I have been ordering a large "Chai" tea. Doing this for days. And yet when I get one of the coffeeshopettes, she always repeats my order "a large "Kai" tea". I didn't notice until yesterday that she was doing this. It finally dawned on me that she has been subtely correcting me each time.

Me pronouncing it incorrectly each time has probably been grating on her, but she was too nice to call me an idiot. Either that or she is secretly thinking, "Ha, you beret-wearing, fancy tea drinking, Kierkegaard-reading, motherfucker. You think you're so smart. Well, it's pronounced "Kai" dickweed." It must have taken all her composure not to pull me across the counter and slap me in the face with a used teabag. So now that I pronounce it correctly I feel much better.

But I just don't understand why it is "Kai" instead of "Chai". You eat "Tai" not "Thigh" food. Well, that is unless you're on 8 Mile. Thank you very much! Good night! I'll be here all week! Good Lord that was a horrible joke to end on.