What's the deal with chocolate...?

Now since the big V-Day is upon us very soon... what? No! That is NOT what the V stands for! It's Valentine's! Anyway, since Valentine's Day is coming up this week, I thought I would comment on the majority of the world's stupid fascination with chocolate.

Now before a bunch of women jump on me about not liking chocolate... actually? Nevermind... So before a bunch of women yell at me about not liking chocolate, let me say that my favorite candy is Reese's peanut butter cups. However, they are definitely not two great tastes that taste great together. More like one great taste, and bitter crap that gets covered up nicely. But, the point is that I do eat some chocolate. I only go as far as milk chocolate though because anything else is usually very bitter. Chocolate is just not my favorite... all's I'm saying.

And now for the backlash. What is the problem with not liking chocolate that much? It seems that whenever I tell people I don't like chocolate, they get mad at me. Especially women. "HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE CHOCOLATE! IT IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD!" is the usual reply. Well, I'm sorry for not having a chocolate-induced orgasm. I'm terribly sorry that my taste buds are different than yours. Stop being so tastist! I was just born this way. I have never been a fan of chocolate.

On my first birthday that I could talk, I asked not to have that black stuff cake. And let me say that if New Orleans really does become a chocolate city, I will not be romping through it taking big bites out of lampposts and fire hydrants. Yuk!

So I like vanilla. Who cares! Many people apparently. Well here I am to ruin your fun chocolate fantasy! Child slave labor is used on the West Africans farms where most of the world's chocolate is grown. A little bit of serious with the humor? Sorry. I'll try better.

Ummm.... A kitten is killed weekly at the Hershey's factory in Pennsylvania! Too much?

Errr... Valentine's chocolate heart boxes are removed from the chest of cardboard giants while they are still alive! Too weird?

Ok... sometimes chocolate looks like poop! Ahhhh... Childish and scatalogical, perfect! So chew on that (the topics, not the poop) when you're chewing on your next Andes mint. Which by the way is totally disgusting. Anything with chocolate AND mint is the most vile creation in the world. I dislike both. Please see my upcoming blog "What's the deal with mint...?"