Learn the time zones!

I did not think it was a very hard concept to grasp that the surface of the Earth is divided into (roughly) twenty four segments, each separated by 15° of longitude and semiartificially given a time that is close to mean solar time, that also differs by one hour from its neighbor. Well, maybe if I put it that way it does sound a bit complicated. But I'm talking about time zones here people. Learn them! Love them! Or just don't sound like an idiot when you make stupid statements. Let this mini-play be an example...

Me: Hey, you're having a drink this early Alan Jackson?
Alan Jackson: Yeah, well it's five o'clock somewhere. Didn't you hear my song?
Me: You fucking moron! It's, like... 3:37 PM, it's impossible to be 5 o'clock anywhere in the world given the current time zone distribution. Stop singing that! You sound stupid.
Alan Jackson: But...
Me: No buts... You sound stupid. I would maybe expect it from a pothead stating, "It's 4:20 somewhere." But they have like three brain cells so...
Alan Jackson: But...
Me: A-hushedy! I said no buts. Potheads yes. You? You sound more like an alcoholic when you rationalize having a drink at anytime of the day by saying "It's five o'clock somehwere." Oh, wait. You're a country music star? Nevermind... And shame on you Jimmy Buffet for doing a duet with Alan Jackson.
Jimmy Buffet: Cheeseburger and a shaker of salt...
Me: What?

FIN

So let this be a lesson to you kids... only you can prevent forest fires. I mean, don't be a jackass and say "It's five o'clock somewhere" in order to rationalize your drinking problem. Or learn the time zones and then only use that statement when it is directly on the hour. Unless of course you're talking about some particular areas of Iran, India, or Western Australia.... Oh come on people! Look it up! Do I have to do everything for you to explain my poorly made, obscure, mildly humorous references.