I swear I am not gay

Many people seem to think that I am gay, for some reason or another. Now, not to be Seinfeldian, but not that there's anything wrong with that. I could seriously begin telling approximately 107 stories that pertain to some sort of Three's Company-esque misunderstanding or situation wherein somebody thought that I was gay. I always tend to tell people that there's no way that I could be, as I am not in good enough shape to be gay. But that never seems to fly. Onto the stories, though.

I roomed with a guy for the first two years of veterinary school (see "Small ratio of guys to girls does not mix well with alcohol"). After rooming for a year together, he just ended up asking me out of the blue if I was gay. I would have thought that it was pretty obvious that I was not, what with all the porn videos stacked up in the corner of my bedroom... female of course... as well as of course that I am kidding (please follow me here). Anyway, he just went and blurted it out. But that was him. I'm sure they'll be plenty more about him in the future.

But the main point is that I am not gay. And I thought that I wouldn't have even been bothered by being hit on by a man, because that is how secure in my heterosexuality I am. However, one night out at the bar in East Lansing, waiting for a group to arrive, I was standing in line to buy myself a drink. Mnay a times I would buy myself a drink in hopes of getting myself into bed later in the evening, but strangely it never seems to work out. Damn my high alcohol tolerance!

So there I was standing in line, waiting to be served, when this guy just starts talking to me. Now, if you are a guy, another guy does not just start talking to you. If they do, you tend to think that they are crazy. Except, oddly enough, if you are in line for the bathroom. Other than that though, I just smile and nod. But it did not work this time. "Gosh, people sure are friendly in the midwest." said the obviously Pacific Islander looking guy. "I'm originally from here, but I've lived in Hawaii almost my whole life." Which seemed like it shouldn't have been true, and in fact just the opposite, but I did not want to engage him in additional conversation.

Overall, he was very subtle, and I wondered if this is how women feel when guys start chatting them up? But with my lack of dialogue, he decided to fish elsewhere. "Well, I guess I will leave you to your beer. See you around." This is the point of the story where everything goes haywire. He leaned over to me, and... rubbed my stomach!!! Now OK, physical contact with total strangers is just weird, and I know that I don't have the tightest abs around, but I am not fucking Buddha. That area is off limits to anybody with a Y chromosome. So being totally freaked, I glanced at my wrist, realized I did not have a watch on, but also knew it was time to move to another area of the bar.

(To be continued.....)